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Rule 13: A Pro keeps their friends close and their enemies off their projects

Posted on February 3, 2024March 27, 2025 by Duncan Zaves

A Pro would rather fight and fail with people they respect than succeed with people they don’t. If only life was that simple. I have plenty of strategies to keep good people with you and bad people away… but sooner or later you’ll need to make the best of a bad situation.

This is when I usually employ the frenemy technique. There are two equally effective ways to frenemize someone.

  1. Both of you make it clear that you don’t like each other and then joke about it constantly (though you really mean what you are saying)
  2. Pretend they are your friend and make them believe it.

I never really enjoy doing the second one. I just hate not hating people too much. And you have to jump through extra hurdles, like limiting contact, smiling during interactions, praising them in meetings. Whole thing just sucks the life out of you.

I’ve always enjoyed #1 – and the smarter or funnier your frenemy is, the crazier it gets. Two people masking every bit of character assassination in the air of humorously plausible deniability is just plain fun. The crazy part is the better they are at it, the more likely i am to find myself actual friends with them in the end.

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