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Rule 37: A Pro stays sober-ish at the holiday party

Posted on March 14, 2024March 27, 2025 by Duncan Zaves

Treat the holiday party as an enforced meeting where your goal is to be as charming as possible while remaining utterly forgettable. You are not charming when you are drunk, you just think you are. You are not forgettable when you are drunk, you just forget the things you did.

No one, and I mean no one, has ever been promoted because they rocked out at a Christmas party. But I bet you’ll wind up knowing someone who ended their career at one.

Get in, make a good impression, and get out while you still have your dignity.

Pro Tip: Leave early, but not too early.

Party departures happen in waves. The first wave is noticeable, and the departers make lame excuses about babysitters and early flights that no one believes. A Pro should go with the second wave of departures. As a side benefit – by the second wave, you can usually pick out the party casualty. If they are your friend, do them a favor and take them with you. If they are a frenemy, go to the open bar and get a round for the both of you. Order what they have, but have the bartender make theirs a double. When you toast, remark how strong the bartender is making the drinks. Down the hatch! Then get out.

Corollary: Your date is an extension of you at the holiday party.

If they aren’t a Pro, explain the rules. If you think they can’t follow them, don’t bring them to the party. Did you know the number one thing couples fight about is money? So if your partner is a drinker, do the math: You will have 1 fight caused by not bringing them to the holiday party. How many will you have after you’ve lost your job and have no money?

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