Too often, I’ve seen solid performers unnecessarily question their self-worth when it comes to their career.
- Do I deserve a raise?
- Should I ask for more stock options?
- Do I really need to take a few days off?
- Have I truly earned a promotion?
I get it. Everyone feels they aren’t good enough from time to time. Depending on your role and level of self-awareness, you might feel like an imposter. This fear is holding you back.
This is the plain self-evident truth:
Not asking for what you want prevents you from getting it.
For some newbies, they feel it is the company’s job to fix the process. Fairness would dictate a less-biased approach to career gains, and surely the company wants to treat employee’s fairly. It’s a sweet thought, but why would anyone work to correct this? Underpaid high-performers that never complain are dream employees for a business. It’s not fair, but it also isn’t evil or wrong. It just is what it is. Would it be great if we lived in a world where everyone was treated everyone fairly all the time? Sure. In the meantime, accept the fact that your lack of self-promotion is your fault.
If you are good at what you do and quiet about it, give yourself some tough love. Do not let your own insecurities stop you from progressing. Do not expect the company to make your plans for you. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
Here’s what is going to happen when you do:
- 7 times out of 10 you will not get what you want. However, you should be able to get their honest assessment of your impact on the company. This is an opportunity to get concrete guidance on what it will take to get what you asked for. Write it down. The next time you have the conversation, you’ll show them how those gaps were closed.
- 1-2 times you will get part or all of what you asked! You may find out you are meeting or even exceeding their expectations. You may find out they had you earmarked as a future leader and they have plans for you. You may not realize the bureaucracy that is involved, but they can give you something and work out the timeline for giving you the rest and more.
- You could find out you really are not valued. This will hurt, but it is important that you know. If you don’t know, you could work fruitlessly for ages. You could be working for the wrong person. Or have the wrong role. Or be at a company with no upward mobility for your position. You could also, just suck at your job and they are onto you.
Not so bad, right? So what’s holding you back? I have no idea if this will help you get over the hump – but I have some things for you to ponder:
- Rejection of your request is not a rejection of you. It could be there is a mismatch of expectations about your role. It could be they don’t fully understand all that you do. It could be a dozen other things that have little to do with you, and more to do with how your impact is perceived. Don’t get defensive; evaluate if this is something you can change or not.
- How the company reacts is a reflection of the company. If they dismiss you out of hand, or they are offended you would ask, or they simply don’t care… Well, I’d say that is a pretty good indicator this job isn’t going to work out and it is better to learn that as fast as possible.
- It’s just a fucking job. Your job performance isn’t the whole of you. It’s a wee bitty part. Most of us need to work, and need to both appreciate what we do and be appreciated for it. Go find what works for you.
Comparison: The successful never ask “Do I deserve this?”
I’m not going to get into some free-market argument about whether executives deserve what they get. Fact is, they get perks you would never have the balls to ask for and they don’t think twice about asking for more. Those who go for it sometimes get it. Those that don’t go for it, never get it.
The Workaround:
I know this whole article sounds like an impossible situation for the very shy, humble or introverted. I can’t imagine how unhelpful it is to hear again “No one is going to reward you if you don’t think you are worth rewarding” – as if it was so easy to just be confident and assertive. So here is your way out. Be indispensable to the person that needs you the most. Find your C-3P0. They will look out for you, at your current job, or their next.
Editor’s note 2/4/24:
I had picked up writing again in 2021 and this is part of that set of articles. It was inspired by a real trend I saw with some employees constantly asking for more money and promotions while their higher performing peers waited to be acknowledged. The ambitious often bordered on aggressively entitled; while the quiet high-performers just never asked for what they deserved. I hope this article helps at least one of them. Sadly, they know who they are.