“Human Resources”
Please reflect on that term for a moment.
I’m willing to bet $1000 dollars you don’t think of yourself as a resource who happens to be human. You know, as compared to non-human resources like computers, electricity, staplers…
In fact, I bet another $1000 that if I asked the next person I see to describe themself, the words human or resource would never come up (e.g. I’m a human with bipedal motion, opposable thumbs and binocular vision, who acts as a coding resource for money). So while most people don’t think of themselves as human resources, companies sure spend a lot of time managing them as commodities.
HR – the people watching over company resources that are human don’t work for these resources, anymore than I work for the lightbulb when I turn on a lamp. HR works for the “company”. This distinction is so fucking important.
We are a supply for the office and are managed as such by HR professionals. When the photo-copier breaks down, you don’t feel bad for the photo-copier. You don’t try to figure out why it broke. You don’t care if it did a really great job making copies for the last five years. You have a singular choice to make: is it more expensive to fix the copier or replace it. And if the cost of fixing it outweighs the cost of replacing it, you get a new copier. Hell maybe you even realize you don’t need a copier anymore at all.
I really hope you see where I’m going with that metaphor.
In case you haven’t figured it out and by some miracle still have a job: HR people are not on your side. If you complain about management to HR, HR can and WILL go to management with your complaints. You are not “off the record” with them. They are the record keepers you dummy.
Worse, it is their job to find out where human issues that could affect productivity are AND figure out the most cost effective way to fix those issues. Guess what – it is never going to be a recommendation to replace management.
A Pro stays the hell away from HR. It is an evil occupation. And good HR people are Pros. The whole lot of them. A good HR person is inviting. They make you want to talk to them, even though deep down you know you shouldn’t. Just as only an idiot would think they gave a hooker an orgasm, only an idiot believes their HR person is a friend. They are paid to make you think that.
Exception:
So, obviously there are times you are going to HAVE to go to HR. Your boss grabs your ass, or you don’t want to hire your CEO’s idiot nephew. Actually, scratch that second one. You’re gonna hire him and you know it. Basically, there are only two times to go to HR. Ever. Here they are:
- You quit, and it is part of the exit interview policy of the company.
- You plan to sue the company, so you need to get your complaint formally documented.
On a closing note, I truly hope that HR professionals read this post and object. I won’t be responding to them or engaging them in any conversation at all. I’m a Pro, and I consider that practice.